My parents and my siblings are the first people in this world who gave me love and support. But I had to come out from my town at young age to pursue higher education, achieve career dream and fulfill some responsibilities. Love, care and affection were almost forgotten to me. It has been ten years since I left university. Since then I am moving from one place to another one for work; Left the country five years ago. I was lucky that I found few really good friends in my university days, work places and all the places wherever i lived or currently living. Most of them are far away and busy in their life. We do talk sometime but rarely meet each other and our conversations are getting shorter and shorter.
I have spent three decades of
emptiness. Pardon me, I did not say complete emptiness because it would be
injustice to my family, my friends and to those who tried their best to fill
the love and care in my alone life. I did not opt for a life being alone. My loneliness
is result of few incidents in my life. After
three decades of my life with limited love, care and affection I am suddenly
into a place filled with love, empathy, compassion, care, Mother Nature, spirituality
and peace. Meeting such lovely people
here. I can’s my express my feeling of joy and happiness in simple words when I
spent some time with them.
Well when everything is so nice; what
is the problem and why I still feel sad. What is causing me to sleep at 11.30
pm and wake up just after three hours at 2.30AM; I can’t sleep after that; I feel
scared, stressed and insecure. I think I am sounding like person who can’t
digest happiness and this could be true but I am not so sure. I feel
problem here is when I am in the company of someone my happy state of mind get
ignited and energized. I think it might
be natural for mind to look for more happiness. And this could one of the reasons
that I wake up in midnight and feeling like something is missing. I try to
sleep but I couldn’t. Mind is still searching for the laugh, the smile, the
conversations, company and many more things.
None of these are materialistic things. It’s all feelings.
All my friends, family and well-wishers, I am sorry to write something emotional.
Please don’t be worried about me. It’s just feelings which I thought to write and share
with you all. I hope i will get better with coping up emotions. I know you all have your own life, priorities and ambitions. I also
don’t want you to compromise your life style to make me happy which would be
very selfish on my part. I am brave, strong and I am fine :)
Om Shanti Shanti Shantih | Om Peace Peace Peace