You are in my thoughts.

Since last few days I am thinking a lot about you.  I could feel and sense the change in my heartbeat when I think about you. I feel warmth inside my heart when I close my eyes and I see you smiling. We haven’t spent much time together but whatever little time I spend with you; every moment is unforgettable beautiful dream.   I see an aura with you; aura is layered with many colors of hope, love and future.  Somehow I feel that you are the one.  Not sure if this is just an attraction. But the same time I also think why I am attracted with you not with anyone else in such a long time. I think being attracted to you might lead me to a path of our destiny. 

I have added the picture of my clay work. First time I have done clay work with the help of my friend. I did not know what I am making; there was certainly inspiration from my friend’s clay work. I had no plan or design in my mind when I was doing this clay work;   there was only one thing in mind and it was you. This flower came out as my work while floating into my thoughts with you. 

I don’t know why suddenly I have this feeling and I don’t want to impose my feelings on you. I know you will understand that it’s not easy for me to control myself from having feeling for especially a wonderful person like you. It all started over a cup of tea with you. I want to be part in your journey of freedom. I want to walk together. I want to capture your expression in my long lasting memory. I feel you are a free spirit and I don’t want to jeopardize your freedom. Please don’t be worried about my feelings. I will be fine as long you are happy.

Stay happy and stay blessed.

What is the problem and why I feel sad

My parents and my siblings are the first people in this world who gave me love and support. But I had to come out from my town at young age to pursue higher education, achieve career dream and fulfill some responsibilities. Love, care and affection were almost forgotten to me. It has been ten years since I left university.  Since then I am moving from one place to another one for work; Left the country five years ago. I was lucky that I found few really good friends in my university days, work places and all the places wherever i lived or currently living. Most of them are far away and busy in their life. We do talk sometime but rarely meet each other and our conversations are getting shorter and shorter.

  

I have spent three decades of emptiness. Pardon me, I did not say complete emptiness because it would be injustice to my family, my friends and to those who tried their best to fill the love and care in my alone life. I did not opt for a life being alone. My loneliness is result of few incidents in my life.  After three decades of my life with limited love, care and affection I am suddenly into a place filled with love, empathy, compassion, care, Mother Nature, spirituality and peace.  Meeting such lovely people here. I can’s my express my feeling of joy and happiness in simple words when I spent some time with them. 

Well when everything is so nice; what is the problem and why I still feel sad. What is causing me to sleep at 11.30 pm and wake up just after three hours at 2.30AM; I can’t sleep after that; I feel scared, stressed and insecure. I think I am sounding like person who can’t digest happiness and this could be true but I am not so sure.   I feel problem here is when I am in the company of someone my happy state of mind get ignited and energized.  I think it might be natural for mind to look for more happiness. And this could one of the reasons that I wake up in midnight and feeling like something is missing. I try to sleep but I couldn’t. Mind is still searching for the laugh, the smile, the conversations, company and many more things.  None of these are materialistic things. It’s all feelings.  

   

All my friends, family and well-wishers, I am sorry to write something emotional. Please don’t be worried about me. It’s just feelings which I thought to write and share with you all. I hope i will get better with coping up emotions. I know you all have your own life, priorities and ambitions. I also don’t want you to compromise your life style to make me happy which would be very selfish on my part. I am brave, strong and I am fine :)

Om Shanti Shanti Shantih | Om Peace Peace Peace